I've felt your guys' love lately, so if you've been leaving me messages (you know, on here, facebook, myspace, cell phone, email, outside my apt door, visits) I've loved every single one. I haven't been able to return all the love, but I love it.
I'm feeling well. We'll see at the doctor's tomorrow what's going on. I'll have an update. I promise.
Keep the love coming, it's really the only thing keeping me going some days. I just can't promise I'll get back to you soon, but know that when I read a comment or listen to a voicemail I pray for you, your various situations, and for your continued ministry of encouragement, because you sure have encouraged me.
Today I watched a wonderful friend with a wonderful honor of preaching to the students and faculty of DTS. Bill Koogler did an amazing job at challenging the students to beware of worldly distractions especially in the ministry and struck my heart with his words. But what is truly amazing (and what made me tear up a couple of times today, and again right now) was sitting towards the back of the auditorium with the Carters on one side and my husband, Darby, and baby Kate on the other was realizing the beginning of the end of this era.
The Kooglers were our first friends in seminary, we met having dinner at their apartment sitting on a freshly purchased futon (which eventually became our futon) and scrounging up chairs (one was an exercise ball) to have dinner around a second hand table. I remember feeling almost sheer desperation at wanting a friend so badly at that point (we'd lived here almost three months without making any real "friends") and I found that with Darby, as well as Adam finding that in Bill. The Carters quickly became friends with the four of us after that and we've had some fun times over the years.
Today as we sat there, all of us looking at future ministry in different fields and perspectives and capacities, I felt the enormity of God's grace and provision for each of us over the years. Getting to celebrate Bill's achievement today allowed me to celebrate God's goodness as well. So way to go Bill, I am truly proud of you like a sister.
This morning also signaled, as I wrote in an email today, the beginning of the end for us. Truly the closing of an "era" in our lives. I've spent so much time and energy lately focused on the near future (having this baby, moving, Adam candidating and interviewing) that it snuck up on me that time is drawing to a close in this chapter. From here on out for the next two weeks, it's picnics and parties, and friends visiting, and family, and runs to the airport. As always, I'm sure it will be so busy, I'll forget to enjoy it and then be left with that post holiday season feeling of "where did it all go?" with a twist of regret and emptiness.
So I want to enjoy the feeling of anticipation now while I have it and enjoy the excitement of the unknowns still there for our friends and us who will begin the ministries we have been dreaming and planning and learning and ultimately CALLED to for the past 2-4 years. That's really it, I love the feeling of knowing you are CALLED to do something by God, knowing that there is something there but not quite knowing exactly how it will work or what it will be like. It's kinda like knowing you are going to be surprised, but not knowing how or when or where or why, but all the same you know there is going to be a great and wonderful thing there.